I had a miscarriage before this time when we talked about depression, fears, anxiety and the constant pressure from society especially my mother in law made me sick, exhausted and drained.  One week before my sudden C-section my in-laws and my maternal family had a huge fight. I was 35+ weeks pregnant and at that time my husband was not around he came exactly one day after the baby arrived.

Finally, the day arrived, the most precious soul was born and with the range of emotions, I felt brave and fearless.  My husband stayed for good 10 days with me and in between I was all alone inside the room looking after baby/needs all that stuff.  Whenever my husband and I sat together with my mother in law would interface and call him out. Being all alone with my baby and not being able to meet my family, the depression took its toll on me.

Many people recommended me to meet someone and share my thoughts but I wanted to fight this I was my own strength.

In this time, I was all alone as my mother in law did not want the maids doing any work for me. From taking care of myself and the baby and doing all the work I was drained. During my 40 days of Chilla period, I remember sleeping around 3 hours a day. My biggest support was indeed Allah, in a time like this where my in-laws and my family does not get along I felt torn. It took almost 40 days to overcome the stress. After hearing remarks from the people around my husband supported me throughout even though the body shaming.

To think of that time, it brings shivers to me I never wanted any girl to suffer from that period. The environment was toxic for me but Alhamdulillah Allah made me mother after a struggle and I will always thank him for that.

Seeking mental health from the caregivers is good but unfortunately in Pakistan, its frowned upon. At the end of the day, it’s the family that helps you overcome it all and my husband did that for me.

Myda Bilal

About Myda Bilal

My name is Myda Bilal I’m a proud mother of a toddler.. Depression isn’t a character flaw or weakness it’s a real thing and I conquered it

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